The Tragedy of Isolation

*Quinn sat across from me and the long pauses between my questions and her answers spoke volumes. Sometimes silence reveals the heart of a conversation without the distraction of words and I could see her searching for ways to convey her story while her two year-old daughter bounced around the room, not paying attention to either of us. Being a homeless single mother presents logistical and practical challenges of all shapes and sizes.

These would be easy to focus on: Balancing a budget, looking for work, attempting to find affordable childcare; all obstacles that can cripple a person trying to take care of herself and her child. Quinn's daily schedule revolves around the youngster who is moving in a thousand different directions at once. Single motherhood is challenging enough without living in a shelter, sharing a small space. But there is a different weight resting on the young mother. A heaviness permeates the room and if she closes her eyes, Quinn is moved by the echoes of all the noises she doesn't hear.

She left Billings a few weeks ago to help take care of her mother; a lot of responsibility for a 25 year-old trying to deal with her own issues. Once she arrived in Kalispell, circumstances changed and her mom's house was too crowded due to an influx of other family members who also were living there, including Quinn's 2 sons. With no place else to stay, she and her daughter ended up in a family unit at Samaritan House.

Quinn will be the first to tell you that she has grown up a lot over the past few years. She was not always in a place where she could take care of her children so her mother helped her out. But now that she is in the process of turning things around, she moved to Kalispell to reconnect with her kids while, at the same time, helping her mother out. And it is during this part of our conversation that the effects of living apart from her sons comes to life.

There is a noticeable difference between separation and isolation. The former indicates a distance between at least two things. Quinn was separated from her sons in a geographical sense, as hundreds of miles were between her and them. And while separation can be sad and lonely, it pales in comparison to isolation. Isolation is a state of existence that acknowledges there is a whole world out there in which a person cannot be involved with. Isolation is an admittance that a person is all alone and unable to connect with anything worthwhile or life-giving. It is heart-breaking and gut-wrenching and Quinn felt it every elapsing day she was away from her sons.

Imagine knowing there was something out there that you loved but you were not in a condition where you could embrace it. What would it feel like to realize part of you was exciting somewhere else and there was little you could do about it? Quinn was not simply separated from her sons. She was isolated.

But now things are different and she is ebbing back into their lives because she is improving her condition. It would have been easy to give up and wallow in despair; just fade into a series of statistics. But she is fighting for her family and what it means to take responsibility for their well being. It is a slow process and she is avoiding mistakes she might have made in the past, as she embraces a future that is conquering isolation.

*Not her real name