John Tesh's Secret Plan to Rule the World

I am not a John Tesh fan.

He might be an amazing man, and he has never done anything that warrants my vitriolic ire. The more I think about this, the reason fueling my dislike is petty and juvenile. It's his voice.

His calm and soothing voice trickles over the radio as he dispenses wisdom like he's Socrates while we drive around running errands and scratching off to-do lists during peak driving hours. He has the voice of an angel and I wholeheartedly believe he is trying to lull us into a hypnotic trance and brainwash us into becoming his disciples. Now, I cannot prove any of this and have absolutely no scientific research to back my paranoia, but it's a working theory. A few weeks ago I was severely alarmed.

I was trapped at a stoplight one afternoon as he lazily and melodically tried to cast his spell within my car. He was talking about the next "gotta have" item about to be unleashed upon the American public. He raved about the usefulness and utilitarian genius of this item and declared its necessity as a foregone conclusion. I eagerly awaited the announcement of such an epically global device; something benefiting all of humanity and ushering in the dawn of a better age. White-knuckled, I strained to hear the pronouncement as the light swapped red for green and he giddily said that by next summer every American must have a...

...Giorgio Armani handbag.

Ugh. I feared it was going to be something along that line of thinking. My frustration with America's disconnect between what people want and what people ran a gauntlet of emotions as I continued on my drive. I will admit sometimes I take things too seriously and I know this can drive people nuts. But I am truly saddened by the existence of a whole demographic of people whose biggest fear is that they won't have this man-purse before their neighbors. It truly is a 'gotta have it' for them because they are so out of touch with the genuine needs haunting so many people.

Please don't misunderstand my intention. I am not railing against luxurious things or expensive items that many people enjoy. I am not trying to brow-beat anyone into selling off everything they have and going all Oscar Schindler... pawning personal items to fund charitable or humanitarian endeavors. Actually, I am proud proponent of people enjoying the nice things they have earned and worked for. Effort and industry should be rewarded.

But what rankles and infuriates me is the spirit behind these types of attitudes: the messages smugly stating such a warped sense of priority. We live in a society that perpetuates the cosmopolitan ideology of a few who attempt to speak for the humbled perspective of the many. Most Montanans would echo the sentiment that we don't need a $3,000 hand bag. We need an economy that provides jobs and livable wages. We need businesses who fuel our community. We need to feel safe in public and comfortable in private. We need people willing to help others because it is the right thing to do and not because it looks good in the press. We need a proper sense of what need actually means.

Sorry, John Tesh... I suppose I should take issue with the message and not the messenger.