Heart and Mind

Although I am writing this blog in December, my message is not about the holidays. There is no “Ho, Ho, Ho” to be found in this article. You will find neither reindeer or mistletoe. Instead there is one simple message I think worth sharing: happiness through giving. Genuine giving can bring you incredible joy while assisting others on their paths to happiness. The greatest, most wonderful and sublime state is not Montana; it is the state of unconditional charity towards others. This the type of sentiment that is based on our ability to empathize with others while actively doing things to improve the situation of those around us.

It is more than merely sending a card.

We are all members of one humanity and in that sense must honor and give to others in order to benefit all of society. For things to work best, the power of love and giving must be heart-based, not negotiated only through the mind. The heart is the source and repository of love and joy. The mind by itself is not capable of feeling emotions and is used to process those emotions. You can teach your heart to resonate with love and joy. Too many people love according to their 'heads' and not their 'hearts.

But this takes effort. I wish it were as easy as typing these words, but as humans we are not capable of avoiding negative feelings. Circumstances of life catch us up into states of negative vibration. If we remain in these states we cannot experience love or joy, and our mind will continue to torment us with negative thoughts and resentments. It's all about refocusing our energy and efforts into positive channels. For example, anger at the politicians who allow homelessness and starvation can be transmuted into the joy of giving food to the needy.

The final thing I want to mention is to remember the origin of our humanity in the natural world. There is a rhythm of life and compassion for living things within the natural world. We can feel pure joy as we interact with nature other human beings. So let’s remember to turn off our electronics and other distractions which pull us away from our original nature of empathy and compassion. Not permanently, mind you, but just long enough to breathe and notice those around us.

As we aspire to live our lives within these principles we will find ourselves experiencing the pure joy of giving to ourselves and others. Let’s aspire to this on a daily basis, not just during the Christmas season. Giving does not have to be a present, nor money, although these are appreciated when appropriate. Giving can be time and energy and loving kindness, not just volunteering your time in a shelter.

Giving can be loving thoughts, prayers and meditations. With all the heart ache and chaos in this world, giving can be prayers for peace and ending wars. Giving can be signing petitions. Giving can be joining with others to improve the life conditions of other people or animals in this world. January will arrive after Christmas with the opportunity for New Years Resolutions. We don’t have to wait for January; we can start today, living in our hearts and in a state of unconditional love and joy.

One of a Kind(ness)

I will be the first to admit that I often have to "try" to get into the holiday spirit. It is so much easier to simply ignore all the chaos and hubbub that surrounds us this time of year. Inflatable reindeer and elves camped on our neighbor's lawn; multicolored lights dangling from every imaginable precipice... It never ends! So, the question becomes: how can I remain sane and even show a little kindness?

I mean, everyone benefits from showing kindness to others. Research has consistently shown that humans feel happier when they are performing acts of kindness. By finding ways to be good to others, you are creating opportunities for self-growth through this mutually beneficial exchange. Being kind to others does not mean that you have to sacrifice time or give away all your money. It is all about incorporating small and caring gestures into your everyday life. I think this is something the entire Flathead Valley can do.

It is a human instinct to be kind and compassionate toward others. This explains why you automatically jump out of your chair to help when someone falls or pull over to assist when you witness a car crash. Well...I guess one our of two isn't bad? The problem is that society has become increasingly individualistic, and people are constantly repressing that instinct to do good. We are almost afraid to help each other. Notice yourself resisting that urge and don't let it keep you from doing things such as stopping to help a person pick up the books she dropped, changing a flat tire for an elderly person or picking up the tab for a person who forgot his wallet.


But kindness doesn't have to be solely reactionary, it can be intentional and proactive!Challenge yourself to do something good for someone a certain number of times each week. You can bake cookies for your elderly neighbor, visit children at a local hospital, pay for a random person's drink at a coffee shop or send notes of appreciation to people you have worked with in the past. The beauty of these random acts is that you will spread happiness to others, and they are likely to "pay it forward." A study published in the March 2010 issue of the "Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences" found that cooperative behavior is contagious. Your small gestures are likely to create a chain reaction of kindness or an epidemic of compassion and empathy,

It is very important to also show love and kindness to those who are closest to you. If a friend is going through a loss or difficult time, you can show your support by cooking meals for her or helping her do household chores. You probably already do many things to support your loved ones, but showing them kindness randomly or without them asking you adds extra value to your gesture. Offer to baby-sit for a family member's kids so she can have a date with her spouse, treat a friend to a game or movie or host a "just because I love you" brunch for all your loved ones.

Anyway, it doesn't matter how you show kindness... Only that you DO show kindness.

Alone for the Holidays

Everyone experiences the holidays differently.

Throughout the many years we have been providing shelter for the homeless, we've housed thousands of people during this this time of year. Each scenario is as different and unique as the person staying with us. Often, we focus on families during the holidays because there might be children involved and it is sad to face the difficult truth that some kids spend this time of year in a homeless shelter. No one likes to imagine the holidays from a homeless child's perspective. But we also realize there is a particular kind of heaviness connected to those who are single and homeless.

And being alone for the holidays is not limited to those who are homeless. Just because a person has a place to live doesn't mean they are exempt from feelings and isolation that can result from being alone during the holidays. So here are some tips for how to cope with being by yourself during this time of year.

If you’re alone because someone close to you has died, or because your marriage or relationship has ended, realize that it’s normal to feel sadness and grief. It’s OK to take time to cry or express your feelings. You can’t force yourself to be happy just because it’s the holiday season. There are others going trough the same thing you are experiencing and you don't have to feel like a pariah.

Sometimes spending time alone allows a person to recharge their batteries. There can be peace and solace when a lot of people are not always around. their Ask yourself – are you actually okay with being alone during the holidays, but feel that you should be spending it with other people? We’re all bombarded with images of happy families spending time together during the holidays. Remember that as wonderful as it can be to be with family, it’s also very stressful.

Don’t tell yourself that it’s not worth decorating or cooking when it’s just you. What’s wrong with decorating your place or cooking a special meal just for yourself? Chances are that doing the holiday activities that you’re used to doing with family or friends will give you a lift.

Don’t hide the fact that you’re spending the holidays alone from acquaintances or colleagues. If you’re frank about it, there’s a good chance that someone will invite you over for Christmas dinner.

Don’t drink. Alone and drunk is not a good combination. Chances are that you’ll become even more depressed.

Line up a special treat for yourself, like evening strolls to enjoy the lights, a concert or something else that will get you out of the house and make the holidays memorable.
Do some of the things that you did as a child, like watching Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer or making Christmas cookies.

And last, you don’t have to be alone at the holidays. If you feel lonely or isolated, seek out community, religious or other social events. They can offer support and companionship.

Volunteering your time to help others also is a good way to lift your spirits and broaden your friendships. Volunteer your time to serve or deliver holidays meals for people in need. Ask your local hospital if the children’s ward needs volunteers.

At Samaritan House, we want everyone to enjoy this time time of year and we acknowledge it can be just as difficult for homeless singles as it is for homeless families.

For Your Reading Enjoyment

Have you ever heard the same phrase so often that it loses all connection to reality? Something uttered so many times that you tune it out and give it no serious thought, whatsoever? This happened to me a few days ago and it almost went unnoticed until I actually stopped and gave pause regarding what was said to me: "Enjoy the rest of your day."

The circumstances were unremarkable and mundane. My wife and I were exiting a movie and the theater attendant cheerily spouted this harmless-but-overused catchall phrase; six little words we utter to each other with about as much involuntary regularity as breathing. And we rarely pay attention as we meander about our lives. But what if we took this salutary snippet seriously and really did try to enjoy our day? Would we behave differently than if we merely went about our day with no emphasis on enjoyment? I mean, how does one enjoy a day, anyways?

I wasn't sure this endeavor was even possible, so I decided to take note of my surroundings for the rest of the day. I wanted to see of this if this pseudo-hippie attitude was even possible.

Driving away from the shopping complex, I shot a subtle glance sideways at my wife as she scrolled and tapped her phone. She held a device that could literally answer any question she desired, stream any movie or song she fancied, or connect her with any person on the planted she might want to converse with. But I don't know if she was enjoying it.

The guy next to me in the huge SUV at the stoplight looked agitated. His automobile was doing all the heavy lifting. I'm sure he hadn't walked from Calgary to Kalispell. I bet he never considered manually transporting all the packages he had in his trunk. Maybe he couldn't find a decent XM Radio station to listen to.

The couple across the aisle at the restaurant were complaining about the rareness of the gentleman's steak.

At the grocery store, there was a lady robotically chatting on her Bluetooth (I know... they still exist) but she didn't seem overly enjoyed regarding the 6,000 items in her cart.

Later that evening, I sat stone-faced on the couch when the football team I was rooting for gave up a game winning touchdown to the other team with 42 seconds left. There was no enjoyment to be found in my living room, for sure.

My kids argued and fought more than they played while on their XBox. This was not enjoyable for anyone within earshot.

So, as I finally crawled into bed and let my head sink into my overly soft pillow (again, sans any really enjoyment), I thought back to kid at the theater and his impossible request. How dare he have the audacity to taunt me with such a cruel and unattainable mantra!

Enjoy our days... How can we possibly do that with so many things lined up against at every single turn?

Mark Twain (continued)

Here are some final thoughts from Mark Twain. I've officially held out as long as I can in regard to holiday posts...but next week I shall delve into the festive, Yuletide spirit!

5. Release yourself from entitlement.

“Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.”

When you are young your mom and dad may give you a lot of things. As you grow older you may have a sort of entitlement. You may feel like the world should just give you what you want or that it owes you something. This belief can cause a lot of anger and frustration in your life. Because the world may not give you what expect it to. On the other hand, this can be liberating too. You realize that it is up to you to shape your own life and for you to work towards what you want. You are not a kid anymore, waiting for your parents or the world to give you something. You are in the driver’s seat now. And you can go pretty much wherever you want.

6. If you’re taking a different path, prepare for reactions.

“A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds.”

I think this has quite a bit of relevance to self-improvement. If you start to change or do something differently than you usually do then people may react in different ways. Some may be happy for you. Some may be indifferent. Some may be puzzled or react in negative and discouraging ways. Much of these reactions are probably not so much about you but about the person who said it and their life. How they feel about themselves is coming through in the words they use and judgements they make.

And that’s OK. I think it’s pretty likely that they won’t react as negatively as you may imagine. Or they will probably at least go back to focusing on their own challenges pretty soon. So what other people may say and think and letting that hold you back is probably just fantasy and barrier you build in your mind. You may find that when you finally cross that inner threshold you created then people around you may not shun you or go chasing after you with pitchforks. They might just go: “OK”.

7. Keep your focus steadily on what you want.

“Drag your thoughts away from your troubles… by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it.”

What you focus your mind on greatly determines how things play out. You can focus on your problems and dwell in suffering and a victim mentality. Or you can focus on the positive in situation, what you can learn from that situation or just focus your mind on something entirely else. It may be “normal” to dwell on problems and swim around in a sea of negativity. But that is a choice. And a thought habit. You may reflexively start to dwell on problems instead of refocusing your mind on something more useful. But you can also start to build a habit of learning to gain more and more control of where you put your focus.

8. Don’t focus so much on making yourself feel good.

“The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.”

This may be a bit of a counter-intuitive tip. But, one of the best ways to feel good about yourself is to make someone else feel good or to help them in some way. This is a great way to look at things to create an upward spiral of positivity and exchange of value between people. You help someone and both of you feel good. The person you helped feels inclined to give you a hand later on since people tend to want to reciprocate. And so the both of you are feeling good and helping each other.

Those positive feelings are contagious to other people and so you may end up making them feel good too. And the help you received from your friend may inspire you to go and help another friend. And so the upward spiral grows and continues.

9. Do what you want to do.

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did so. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”

Awesome quote. And I really don’t have much to add to that one. Well, maybe to write it down and keep it as a daily reminder – on your fridge or bathroom door – of what you can actually do with your life.

10. I am leaving this internally blank so you can add your own mantra. Do it! Feel free to comment so others can see your idea and learn from it.

The Gospel According to St. Mark (Twain)

We all have different interests certain things that separate us from every other person on this planet. For instance, I am a nerd. I'm cool with this and have accepted it long ago. I enjoy reading certain authors and one of my favorites is Mark Twain, whom you might know for some of his very popular books like Adventures of Huckleberry Finn and The Adventures of Tom Sawyer. He was also a humorist, satirist and lecturer and all around brilliant man.

The week after Thanksgiving is always an interesting time to attempt blog articles. Everyone is pensive and reflective and often too somber. So I thought I would take this week and share some of my favorite Twain witticisms in an attempt to inform, enlighten, and entertain as we wind down the calendar year. Here is a list of things to live by.

1. Approve of yourself.

“A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.”

If you don’t approve of yourself, of your behavior and actions then you’ll probably walk around most of the day with a sort of uncomfortable feeling. If you, on the other hand, approve of yourself then you tend to become relaxed and gain inner freedom to do more of what you really want. So you need give yourself approval and allow yourself to be who you want to be. Not look for the approval from others. But from yourself. To dissolve that inner barrier or let go of that self-sabotaging tendency. This is no easy task and it can take time.

2. Your limitations may just be in your mind.

“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.”

So many limitations are mostly in our minds. We may for instance think that people will disapprove because we are too tall, too old or balding. But these things mostly matter when you think they matter. Because you become self-conscious and worried about what people may think. If you, on the other hand, don’t mind then people tend to not mind that much either. And if you don’t mind then you won’t let that part of yourself become a self-imposed roadblock in your life. It is, for instance, seldom too late to do what you want to do.

3. Lighten up and have some fun.

“Humor is mankind’s greatest blessing.”

Humor and laughter are amazing tools. They can turn any serious situation into something to laugh about. They can lighten the mood just about anywhere. And a lighter mood is often a better space to work in because now your body and mind isn’t filled to the brim with negative emotions. When you are more light-hearted and relaxed then the solution to a situation is often easier to both come up with and implement.

4. Let go of anger.
“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.”

Anger is most of the time pretty pointless. It can cause situations to get out of hand. And from a selfish perspective it often more hurtful for the one being angry then the person they are angry at. So even if you feel angry at someone for days recognize that you are mostly just hurting yourself. The other person may not even be aware that you are angry at him or her. So either talking to the person and resolving the conflict or letting go of anger as quickly as possible are pretty good tips to make your life more pleasurable.

Remember to be Thankful!

We all have those days.Days when you do not feel much motivated at all. When your best laid plans go out the window before the day has barely begun. When something important unexpectedly goes wrong and you get that sinking feeling in your stomach. Or when you feel sorry for yourself and honestly just want to go back to bed and to sleep again.


Maybe the simplest and certainly one of the most effective ways to turn such a day, week or month around into something more positive and better is in my experience to turn your focus to gratitude. Because even if things look tough today or for the next 3 or 6 months I can always find something or several things to feel very grateful for about my life.

So I’d like to share a small list of 10 simple, fundamental things that I feel grateful for. I usually only reflect on one or a few of these things when I need to but I thought a list like this one could be helpful both for you and for me. Maybe not every item on this list works in your life, then take what works from here and create and add to put together your own list.

1. A roof over my head and a warm home.
We live in Montana, a place where the winters are cold and snowy and the fall and spring can be quite rainy. So I often return to this one. Few things feel better than to reflect upon having warm home and a roof over my head when it is cold and windy outside and I can hear the rain beating hard on my window.

2. Plenty of drinkable water.
I love water and drink plenty of it every day. It is certainly something I take for granted from time to time. But it is not a given.780 million people lack access to safe drinking water according to water.org. Try to go the rest of the day boiling any water you need to use.

3. I don’t have to go hungry.
Plus, most of things I cook and/or eat are quite tasty and healthy. And sometimes they are simply wonderful. So I have much to be grateful for when it comes to food.

4. I can enjoy the small and free pleasures of life.
A sunrise.
A relaxing walk in the woods.
A cool swim in the lake.
A crisp Autumn day in Glacier.
The sun warming my face after a dreary, gray winter.

5. Access to the internet.
When I was really young back in the 80’s and 90’s and you wanted to learn about something then you had to ask someone who may have had spotty knowledge. Or you had to visit the local library and maybe there was a book or magazine about it.
6. My friends and family.
For the love, support, kindness and all the fun that they offer and I get to offer them.

7. My health.
I do not have the indestructible body of Superman. But if I treat it well and get plenty of sleep, work out and eat healthy then it works really wonderfully well almost all the time.

8. The kindness of people I have never met before.
I truly appreciate the simple kindness in the rest of my daily life too when people let me skip ahead of them in the checkout line in the store when I only have a few items. When they stay for a few seconds and hold up the door for me too. Or let me into their lane when I drive.

9. The setbacks that have formed me and made me stronger.
The ability to learn from mistakes and not have to wallow in their consequences forever.
This has made me more appreciative than ever of the opportunity I have with what I do here.

10. I am alive.
I have, like everyone else, been in situations where an accident and being in the wrong place for just a few seconds could have meant I would not have been here anymore. I did not choose this life but I am here now. I have this moment and day and hopefully many days still to experience and live my life. It is an amazing thing.

So much to be thankful for... Happy Thanksgiving Day.